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laniew1So right, the Gen thing is a thing of the past. I apologize. Also, this is now complete at four parts.
You should read part 1 and part 2 and part 3 first, or you might be confused as to why Ryan Ross thinks 1+2+1=breakup.
Summary: “It’s not much,” Ryan says, he feels like he’s apologizing for the size of his cottage. When he’d first moved he’d thought it perfect for him, and it is. It’s just big enough for him to not feel cramped or confined, but with Pete and Spencer and Brendon all there it feels too small now.
TITLE: A Life Alone
RATING: PG (for language)
PAIRING: Ryan POV / Ryan/Pete, Spencer/Brendon in the background
AUTHOR: Melanie
SUMMARY: Ryan thinks that when its time for their ‘Behind The Music’ that Panic! At The Disco could be summed as such… Four came, four sang, four laughed, three made the decision to ‘take a break’.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own any of these boys and I’m pretty sure that this has never happened and will never happen quite like this.
A Life Alone – Part 4
Ryan shows them around his cottage. Spencer has his arm looped through his, like they’re a young couple walking down the street, enjoying a beautiful spring day.
Brendon keeps his hand pressed against Ryan’s back, like he’s afraid if both of them aren’t touching him at the same time Ryan will flutter away.
“It’s not much,” Ryan says, he feels like he’s apologizing for the size of his cottage. When he’d first moved he’d thought it perfect for him, and it is. It’s just big enough for him to not feel cramped or confined, but with Pete and Spencer and Brendon all there it feels too small now.
It feels like he’s playing house instead of having a home that is his.
“It’s nice,” Spencer says, he sounds like he means it but Ryan still isn’t sure if he can read Spencer anymore. He takes the comment at face value like Spencer most likely intends for him to and relaxes slightly.
Besides, both Spencer and Brendon had smiled when they saw the pictures lining the wall in the front hallway.
Ryan might have left them, might have bought this cottage to have somewhere to go to that wasn’t with them, but he hadn’t cut them totally out of his life.
He’d never be able to do that. He wonders what they see in him that makes them think that he ever could.
As much as he’d like to sometimes, he can’t, they’re the closest things to family that he has.
Pete is trailing behind them, Hemmy had given up on following them and the last time Ryan had seen him he’d been curled up in a patch of fading sunlight in the living room. Ryan thinks that Pete had moved his desk aside so that Hemmy could get to it.
“That’s it,” Ryan says. He’d shown them the kitchen and the living room and his room and the backyard, he’d even shown them the hallway closets that are bigger then the bathroom they used to share on their tour buses.
He’d ended the tour at the spare bedroom they would be sharing and no one had asked where Pete was sleeping though he’d seen the looks that Spencer and Brendon had exchanged.
It’s like they don’t realized that he’s an adult (older then both of them after all) and that he can and will make his own decisions.
Even if there bad ones.
Even if there ones that they don’t agree with.
Spencer pulls him into a hug and squeezes.
“It’s not much,” Ryan says again. It’s probably not where they envisioned him ending up. They probably envisioned him in a four bedroom with a fancy artwork on the walls and a swimming pool in the backyard somewhere near Pete.
They’d probably not expected him to buy a two bedroom cottage in the middle of nowhere that has a great view and artwork by an unknown artist and pictures of them up on the walls.
“It’s perfect,” Spencer says softly, “It’s you.”
******************************************************************************
Spencer and Brendon have been traveling most of the day so they close themselves into the spare bedroom slightly after ten.
Ryan and Pete stay up, watching movies in the living room, the volume turned down low so as to not disturb their sleeping. Ryan doesn’t think about the fact that they might be having sex in his guestroom.
That they might be the first people having sex in his house.
He’s tired, the build up of emotions waiting for Spencer and Brendon to arrive and finishing his book have all seemed to hit him at once, he feels exhausted through every muscle and bone in his body… then wonders if that is something that can actually be felt.
He’s tired either way.
He hides his yawns behind his hand, his head is on the arm of the couch and his feet are tucked under Pete’s leg. Subconsciously he thinks he’s attempting to fall asleep on the couch, if he can manage it before Pete is ready to go to bed Pete won’t wake him up and it’ll mean less awkward questions and comments in the morning if it looks like one of them is sleeping on the couch.
Pete is having none of that though, when he sees Ryan’s eyes closing he turns off the TV and pulls Ryan to his feet, ignores his protests that the couch is comfortable and propels him down the hallway to his room, Hemmy waddling along behind them.
The guestroom door is closed and Ryan doesn’t glance at it, doesn’t strain his ears to see if he can hear any movement.
He really doesn’t want to know.
He stands in the middle of his bedroom, rubbing at his eyes and Pete shakes his head.
“Pajamas Ryan,” he says gently.
Ryan blinks at him then goes into the bathroom, he leaves his clothes in a pile on the floor as he pulls on sweatpants and a t-shirt, he brushes his teeth and when he looks in the mirror he can see how tired he looks.
Pete appears behind him, already in his own version of pajamas, for a second his hands rest lightly on Ryan’s hips, his forehead pressed against Ryan’s back then he pushes Ryan to the side and plucks his own toothbrush from the cup where Ryan keeps his.
Pete has made himself at home in Ryan’s home, he knows if he looks in the medicine cabinet Pete’s pill bottles will be lined up in a row, if he looks under the sink Pete’s toiletry bag will be stored next to his.
He waits for panic to descend, because Pete is making a life for himself here beside him and that’s not them, never has been.
It’s not even anything he’s ever professed to want, not out loud at least, not to anyone who could hear him.
He looks at Pete in the mirror; watches Pete spit and rinse his mouth, then look back at him with a sly smirk on his lips. He turns his head and looks directly at him, watches as Pete turns his own head and raises an eyebrow in response.
He brushes his lips against Pete’s cheek and hears the sigh more then anything else.
He smiles against Pete’s skin, knows that Pete can feel the curve of his lips and then goes to bed.
******************************************************************************
Pete is gone when he wakes in the morning; Hemmy is still lying on the foot of the bed so he knows he hasn’t been gone long.
He rolls onto his back and stretches, wonders what they’re going to do all day now that Ryan can’t hide behind his computer writing his book.
Hemmy snuffles and he sits up, the house is quiet and he wonders if Spencer and Brendon are still asleep.
Pete must have closed the bedroom door when he left, probably the only reason that Hemmy was still in the bedroom with him. He leaves it open when he walks toward the kitchen, then stops dead in the doorway.
Brendon is standing at the counter, glass of water in hand, glasses on his face. His hair is sticking up every which way and he looks like he just rolled out of bed.
“They’re arguing about you,” he says and Ryan makes a noise, when he walks closer he can see that Brendon is not just standing at the counter because he’s Brendon and sometimes first thing in the morning he does things that don’t make any sense.
He’s standing at the counter so he can look out the window at Spencer and Pete in the backyard, obviously having an intense conversation. Both their hands are flailing and they both look pissed.
They watch them for a few minutes and Ryan thinks that he should probably say something, should probably storm out there and tell Spencer that he’s a grown up who can make his own choices and if those choices mean that Pete’s going to be in his bed and his life once more then that’s his choice.
He doesn’t because Spencer looks like he’s going to kill somebody and Pete looks like he’s a hand gesture away from biting Spencer’s hand.
“I’m going to go get coffee,” Ryan says. “You’re welcome to come with.” Spencer and Pete look like they could do this for a while; he weighs the chances of one of them being dead when they return if Brendon comes with him and wonders if he should take back the offer so that there is someone with a somewhat level mind making sure they don’t cause irreparable damage to one another.
“You don’t have a coffee maker?” Brendon asks, they both wince when Spencer starts jabbing his finger at Pete. Obviously attempting to make a point.
A point that Pete just as obviously doesn’t agree with, because his eyes narrow and his own fingers comes out.
There’s a pretty good chance that they’re probably going to kill each other before the day is out, with or without chaperones.
Ryan shakes his head, “there’s a place in town I go to.”
“Do you really think that leaving them alone is a smart move?”
Ryan turns away from the window. “They could be at this a while, I for one need caffeine before the two of them come back in here and tell me what decisions they’ve made that are totally in my best interest.”
******************************************************************************
When they come back, cups and a bag of muffins in hand Pete and Spencer are glaring at each other over the kitchen table.
At least they’re both still alive and not bleeding from any visible wounds.
Brendon sets one of the cups in his hands in front of Spencer and Spencer glares at it like it personally insulted him.
Ryan sets Pete’s coffee down, bags next to him and hides his smirk at Brendon’s eyes rolling by turning to get napkins.
He sits down and sips at his coffee, picking apart his muffin, Brendon is kicking him under the table and Ryan isn’t sure exactly what Brendon wants him to be doing so he just ignores him.
“This isn’t the way that I like my coffee,” Spencer says, he obviously can’t decide which one of them to blame so he starts glaring at Pete again. Brendon coughs and shoves a piece of his muffin into his mouth when Spencer looks over at him.
Ryan leans back in his chair, sips at his own coffee, made to his exact specifications.
“Maybe if you two hadn’t been arguing about how to live my life in the backyard you could have gone with us and got your own damn coffees.”
“We’re not trying to live your life for you,” Spencer starts; Ryan arches a brow at him. Pete is noticeably silent, though Brendon has stopped kicking him and maybe started kicking Spencer because Ryan sees Spencer wince slightly.
“Do you remember how this ended last time?” Spencer asks, he glares at Pete and Pete just looks back at him with no expression on his face. If Spencer says that Pete made him into a fifteen year old girl with the despair and the black and the ultra miserable journal entries (that Spencer never read but that Ryan is sure he knows about) Ryan will have to kill him.
Spencer doesn’t say anything, just looks at Ryan and Ryan looks back at him. They’ve been friends for almost their entire lives.
“Can you guys give us a few minutes,” Ryan says slowly.
“I need to take Hemmy out anyway,” Pete says, pushing himself away from the table. “Brendon why don’t you come with me and get your own version of vetting out of the way.”
“Right then, you’re not going to eat that right?” Brendon asks as he steals the rest of Spencer’s muffin and follows Pete out of the kitchen.
Spencer stares at where his breakfast just disappeared and Ryan shoves his over to him.
“I’m not that kid anymore, Spence,” he says.
“He broke your heart,” Spencer says softly. “You were, well you’ve never been bright and happy, but you were content at least. I wasn’t worried about you slitting your wrists in a hotel room or taking fifteen sleeping pills at one time, and then he broke your heart and you were quiet and withdrawn and…” Ryan reaches out and lays his hand over Spencer’s. “You scared us, you wouldn’t talk to us about it and you just… you scared us.”
“I’m not that kid anymore,” he says again. “And Pete isn’t going to hurt me.”
“How do you know that?”
“I don’t think that he would have followed me here if he was. He certainly wouldn’t have given up Ashlee and argued with Patrick and… I think maybe this time it’ll be different.”
He hopes that this time will be different.
“Ryan,” Spencer says, helplessly.
“We’re not even sleeping together,” Ryan says.
Spencer looks at him, taps his fingers against the table. He looks disbelieving. Ryan can understand why, he and Pete are sharing a room.
“At all?”
“We sleep in the same bed,” Ryan amends. “That’s the extent of our sleeping together.”
Spencer still looks unconvinced.
“I’m a big boy now Spencer, I can take care of myself.”
Spencer snorts at the idea that Ryan can manage his own life without it shredding into pieces at his fingertips and Ryan smiles a little smile at him.
He might not like Spencer trying to manage him, but he does like that Spencer cares enough to try.
“I’ll tell you what I told him, if he hurts you again, I’m going to have to kill him. I don’t care if he is our boss.”
******************************************************************************
Spencer and Brendon leave after four days. Ryan is happy to see them go, because having the two of them watch while Pete continues his slow, slow courtship dance is painful.
He thinks that it’ll speed up when they leave, but he also thinks that while they’re still there Pete is seeing it as an opportunity to show them (and Ryan) that he’s maybe not the most foolish chance that Ryan has ever taken.
Pete and Spencer come to some sort of agreement, Ryan isn’t present for it, but if Pete doesn’t grope him where Spencer can see, then Spencer doesn’t growl at him.
They stand on the porch and wave as their car leaves.
They don’t have long in the cottage by themselves; Jon and Cassie are due to arrive at the end of the week. Honeymoon over, now it seems it’s their turn to threaten Pete.
They’ll leave on the following Monday and then Patrick and Andy will arrive. He doesn’t think there will be any threatening, but there will probably be plenty of disapproving looks and rolled eyes.
Pete leans into his side and Ryan puts an arm over his shoulder, tugs Pete into a loose hug.
When Pete tilts his head up, wraps his own arms around Ryan’s chest, when he kisses him, really kisses him finally, not one of the pecks or busses or just the barest hint of a kiss…
When Pete finally touches him it doesn’t feel like his heart is going to be broken, it feels like coming home.
******************************************************************************
You should read part 1 and part 2 and part 3 first, or you might be confused as to why Ryan Ross thinks 1+2+1=breakup.
Summary: “It’s not much,” Ryan says, he feels like he’s apologizing for the size of his cottage. When he’d first moved he’d thought it perfect for him, and it is. It’s just big enough for him to not feel cramped or confined, but with Pete and Spencer and Brendon all there it feels too small now.
TITLE: A Life Alone
RATING: PG (for language)
PAIRING: Ryan POV / Ryan/Pete, Spencer/Brendon in the background
AUTHOR: Melanie
SUMMARY: Ryan thinks that when its time for their ‘Behind The Music’ that Panic! At The Disco could be summed as such… Four came, four sang, four laughed, three made the decision to ‘take a break’.
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own any of these boys and I’m pretty sure that this has never happened and will never happen quite like this.
A Life Alone – Part 4
Ryan shows them around his cottage. Spencer has his arm looped through his, like they’re a young couple walking down the street, enjoying a beautiful spring day.
Brendon keeps his hand pressed against Ryan’s back, like he’s afraid if both of them aren’t touching him at the same time Ryan will flutter away.
“It’s not much,” Ryan says, he feels like he’s apologizing for the size of his cottage. When he’d first moved he’d thought it perfect for him, and it is. It’s just big enough for him to not feel cramped or confined, but with Pete and Spencer and Brendon all there it feels too small now.
It feels like he’s playing house instead of having a home that is his.
“It’s nice,” Spencer says, he sounds like he means it but Ryan still isn’t sure if he can read Spencer anymore. He takes the comment at face value like Spencer most likely intends for him to and relaxes slightly.
Besides, both Spencer and Brendon had smiled when they saw the pictures lining the wall in the front hallway.
Ryan might have left them, might have bought this cottage to have somewhere to go to that wasn’t with them, but he hadn’t cut them totally out of his life.
He’d never be able to do that. He wonders what they see in him that makes them think that he ever could.
As much as he’d like to sometimes, he can’t, they’re the closest things to family that he has.
Pete is trailing behind them, Hemmy had given up on following them and the last time Ryan had seen him he’d been curled up in a patch of fading sunlight in the living room. Ryan thinks that Pete had moved his desk aside so that Hemmy could get to it.
“That’s it,” Ryan says. He’d shown them the kitchen and the living room and his room and the backyard, he’d even shown them the hallway closets that are bigger then the bathroom they used to share on their tour buses.
He’d ended the tour at the spare bedroom they would be sharing and no one had asked where Pete was sleeping though he’d seen the looks that Spencer and Brendon had exchanged.
It’s like they don’t realized that he’s an adult (older then both of them after all) and that he can and will make his own decisions.
Even if there bad ones.
Even if there ones that they don’t agree with.
Spencer pulls him into a hug and squeezes.
“It’s not much,” Ryan says again. It’s probably not where they envisioned him ending up. They probably envisioned him in a four bedroom with a fancy artwork on the walls and a swimming pool in the backyard somewhere near Pete.
They’d probably not expected him to buy a two bedroom cottage in the middle of nowhere that has a great view and artwork by an unknown artist and pictures of them up on the walls.
“It’s perfect,” Spencer says softly, “It’s you.”
Spencer and Brendon have been traveling most of the day so they close themselves into the spare bedroom slightly after ten.
Ryan and Pete stay up, watching movies in the living room, the volume turned down low so as to not disturb their sleeping. Ryan doesn’t think about the fact that they might be having sex in his guestroom.
That they might be the first people having sex in his house.
He’s tired, the build up of emotions waiting for Spencer and Brendon to arrive and finishing his book have all seemed to hit him at once, he feels exhausted through every muscle and bone in his body… then wonders if that is something that can actually be felt.
He’s tired either way.
He hides his yawns behind his hand, his head is on the arm of the couch and his feet are tucked under Pete’s leg. Subconsciously he thinks he’s attempting to fall asleep on the couch, if he can manage it before Pete is ready to go to bed Pete won’t wake him up and it’ll mean less awkward questions and comments in the morning if it looks like one of them is sleeping on the couch.
Pete is having none of that though, when he sees Ryan’s eyes closing he turns off the TV and pulls Ryan to his feet, ignores his protests that the couch is comfortable and propels him down the hallway to his room, Hemmy waddling along behind them.
The guestroom door is closed and Ryan doesn’t glance at it, doesn’t strain his ears to see if he can hear any movement.
He really doesn’t want to know.
He stands in the middle of his bedroom, rubbing at his eyes and Pete shakes his head.
“Pajamas Ryan,” he says gently.
Ryan blinks at him then goes into the bathroom, he leaves his clothes in a pile on the floor as he pulls on sweatpants and a t-shirt, he brushes his teeth and when he looks in the mirror he can see how tired he looks.
Pete appears behind him, already in his own version of pajamas, for a second his hands rest lightly on Ryan’s hips, his forehead pressed against Ryan’s back then he pushes Ryan to the side and plucks his own toothbrush from the cup where Ryan keeps his.
Pete has made himself at home in Ryan’s home, he knows if he looks in the medicine cabinet Pete’s pill bottles will be lined up in a row, if he looks under the sink Pete’s toiletry bag will be stored next to his.
He waits for panic to descend, because Pete is making a life for himself here beside him and that’s not them, never has been.
It’s not even anything he’s ever professed to want, not out loud at least, not to anyone who could hear him.
He looks at Pete in the mirror; watches Pete spit and rinse his mouth, then look back at him with a sly smirk on his lips. He turns his head and looks directly at him, watches as Pete turns his own head and raises an eyebrow in response.
He brushes his lips against Pete’s cheek and hears the sigh more then anything else.
He smiles against Pete’s skin, knows that Pete can feel the curve of his lips and then goes to bed.
Pete is gone when he wakes in the morning; Hemmy is still lying on the foot of the bed so he knows he hasn’t been gone long.
He rolls onto his back and stretches, wonders what they’re going to do all day now that Ryan can’t hide behind his computer writing his book.
Hemmy snuffles and he sits up, the house is quiet and he wonders if Spencer and Brendon are still asleep.
Pete must have closed the bedroom door when he left, probably the only reason that Hemmy was still in the bedroom with him. He leaves it open when he walks toward the kitchen, then stops dead in the doorway.
Brendon is standing at the counter, glass of water in hand, glasses on his face. His hair is sticking up every which way and he looks like he just rolled out of bed.
“They’re arguing about you,” he says and Ryan makes a noise, when he walks closer he can see that Brendon is not just standing at the counter because he’s Brendon and sometimes first thing in the morning he does things that don’t make any sense.
He’s standing at the counter so he can look out the window at Spencer and Pete in the backyard, obviously having an intense conversation. Both their hands are flailing and they both look pissed.
They watch them for a few minutes and Ryan thinks that he should probably say something, should probably storm out there and tell Spencer that he’s a grown up who can make his own choices and if those choices mean that Pete’s going to be in his bed and his life once more then that’s his choice.
He doesn’t because Spencer looks like he’s going to kill somebody and Pete looks like he’s a hand gesture away from biting Spencer’s hand.
“I’m going to go get coffee,” Ryan says. “You’re welcome to come with.” Spencer and Pete look like they could do this for a while; he weighs the chances of one of them being dead when they return if Brendon comes with him and wonders if he should take back the offer so that there is someone with a somewhat level mind making sure they don’t cause irreparable damage to one another.
“You don’t have a coffee maker?” Brendon asks, they both wince when Spencer starts jabbing his finger at Pete. Obviously attempting to make a point.
A point that Pete just as obviously doesn’t agree with, because his eyes narrow and his own fingers comes out.
There’s a pretty good chance that they’re probably going to kill each other before the day is out, with or without chaperones.
Ryan shakes his head, “there’s a place in town I go to.”
“Do you really think that leaving them alone is a smart move?”
Ryan turns away from the window. “They could be at this a while, I for one need caffeine before the two of them come back in here and tell me what decisions they’ve made that are totally in my best interest.”
When they come back, cups and a bag of muffins in hand Pete and Spencer are glaring at each other over the kitchen table.
At least they’re both still alive and not bleeding from any visible wounds.
Brendon sets one of the cups in his hands in front of Spencer and Spencer glares at it like it personally insulted him.
Ryan sets Pete’s coffee down, bags next to him and hides his smirk at Brendon’s eyes rolling by turning to get napkins.
He sits down and sips at his coffee, picking apart his muffin, Brendon is kicking him under the table and Ryan isn’t sure exactly what Brendon wants him to be doing so he just ignores him.
“This isn’t the way that I like my coffee,” Spencer says, he obviously can’t decide which one of them to blame so he starts glaring at Pete again. Brendon coughs and shoves a piece of his muffin into his mouth when Spencer looks over at him.
Ryan leans back in his chair, sips at his own coffee, made to his exact specifications.
“Maybe if you two hadn’t been arguing about how to live my life in the backyard you could have gone with us and got your own damn coffees.”
“We’re not trying to live your life for you,” Spencer starts; Ryan arches a brow at him. Pete is noticeably silent, though Brendon has stopped kicking him and maybe started kicking Spencer because Ryan sees Spencer wince slightly.
“Do you remember how this ended last time?” Spencer asks, he glares at Pete and Pete just looks back at him with no expression on his face. If Spencer says that Pete made him into a fifteen year old girl with the despair and the black and the ultra miserable journal entries (that Spencer never read but that Ryan is sure he knows about) Ryan will have to kill him.
Spencer doesn’t say anything, just looks at Ryan and Ryan looks back at him. They’ve been friends for almost their entire lives.
“Can you guys give us a few minutes,” Ryan says slowly.
“I need to take Hemmy out anyway,” Pete says, pushing himself away from the table. “Brendon why don’t you come with me and get your own version of vetting out of the way.”
“Right then, you’re not going to eat that right?” Brendon asks as he steals the rest of Spencer’s muffin and follows Pete out of the kitchen.
Spencer stares at where his breakfast just disappeared and Ryan shoves his over to him.
“I’m not that kid anymore, Spence,” he says.
“He broke your heart,” Spencer says softly. “You were, well you’ve never been bright and happy, but you were content at least. I wasn’t worried about you slitting your wrists in a hotel room or taking fifteen sleeping pills at one time, and then he broke your heart and you were quiet and withdrawn and…” Ryan reaches out and lays his hand over Spencer’s. “You scared us, you wouldn’t talk to us about it and you just… you scared us.”
“I’m not that kid anymore,” he says again. “And Pete isn’t going to hurt me.”
“How do you know that?”
“I don’t think that he would have followed me here if he was. He certainly wouldn’t have given up Ashlee and argued with Patrick and… I think maybe this time it’ll be different.”
He hopes that this time will be different.
“Ryan,” Spencer says, helplessly.
“We’re not even sleeping together,” Ryan says.
Spencer looks at him, taps his fingers against the table. He looks disbelieving. Ryan can understand why, he and Pete are sharing a room.
“At all?”
“We sleep in the same bed,” Ryan amends. “That’s the extent of our sleeping together.”
Spencer still looks unconvinced.
“I’m a big boy now Spencer, I can take care of myself.”
Spencer snorts at the idea that Ryan can manage his own life without it shredding into pieces at his fingertips and Ryan smiles a little smile at him.
He might not like Spencer trying to manage him, but he does like that Spencer cares enough to try.
“I’ll tell you what I told him, if he hurts you again, I’m going to have to kill him. I don’t care if he is our boss.”
Spencer and Brendon leave after four days. Ryan is happy to see them go, because having the two of them watch while Pete continues his slow, slow courtship dance is painful.
He thinks that it’ll speed up when they leave, but he also thinks that while they’re still there Pete is seeing it as an opportunity to show them (and Ryan) that he’s maybe not the most foolish chance that Ryan has ever taken.
Pete and Spencer come to some sort of agreement, Ryan isn’t present for it, but if Pete doesn’t grope him where Spencer can see, then Spencer doesn’t growl at him.
They stand on the porch and wave as their car leaves.
They don’t have long in the cottage by themselves; Jon and Cassie are due to arrive at the end of the week. Honeymoon over, now it seems it’s their turn to threaten Pete.
They’ll leave on the following Monday and then Patrick and Andy will arrive. He doesn’t think there will be any threatening, but there will probably be plenty of disapproving looks and rolled eyes.
Pete leans into his side and Ryan puts an arm over his shoulder, tugs Pete into a loose hug.
When Pete tilts his head up, wraps his own arms around Ryan’s chest, when he kisses him, really kisses him finally, not one of the pecks or busses or just the barest hint of a kiss…
When Pete finally touches him it doesn’t feel like his heart is going to be broken, it feels like coming home.
