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laniew1I don’t know if anyone is still interested in reading this series, I’ve had a resurgence of Jude-love since Sherlock Holmes so…
While Ewan was having adventures as Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan is attempting to navigate Ewan’s rather complicated life.
Tag to Previous Chapters
SERIES: Measures of Insanity
RATING: R – for language
PAIRING: Jude/Obi-Wan/Hayden (eventually), Jonny/Angelina, mentions of past Jude/Ewan/Jonny
Author: Melanie
DISCLAIMER: Heh, I own nothing. Jude, Jonny, Angie and all other real people own themselves. George Lucas owns everyone that that is property of Star Wars. I make no money off of them. Don’t sue.
Measures of Insanity – Part 6
Everyone insisted that he lie back down as soon as they were finished eating.
He thought he might have just narrowly missed Angelina laying hands on his person to check his temperature, he couldn’t be sure though because the moment that Angelina had moved towards him Jude had pulled him from his chair and ushered him from the room without a by-your-leave.
Jonny had been laughing as Obi-Wan was pulled from the room and he could have broken free but he was feeling a bit tired so thought that a nap sounded good.
When he woke again the room was dark and there was a warm weight at his side, a glance down showed Clara and Esther sleeping beside him covered with the quilt that had been hanging over the back of the chair in the corner the last time he’d looked.
He shifted out of the bed without dislodging them and stood at the side of the bed and stared down at them.
They looked like Ewan, like him and he wondered for a brief moment where their mother was, then he made a mental note to ask Ewan about that the next time they were on the dreamplane at the same time.
He moved quietly from the room, closing the door behind him so that the light at the end of the hallway didn’t wake the girls and made his way quietly down the stairs.
He could hear the rumble of someone talking though he couldn’t make out the words until he got to the entrance to the living room.
The room was darkened and Jude was pacing the floor, some little rectangular communicator pressed to his ear, looking irritated.
“You know I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he muttered, annoyance in every layer of his voice.
Silence and Obi-Wan leaned against the wall and watched him listen, nose crinkling, eyes narrowing he was obviously not pleased with whatever was being said on the other end of the communicator.
“And I told you that it was a long story and considering this is a long distance call on Ewan’s phone…”
Jonny was lounging on the couch, arm along the back, legs crossed and he was watching Jude with something akin to bemusement.
“You are an idiot. You walk off the set now you’re just inviting rumors and then where will your career be, hmm? In the toilet, that’s where. You just stay right where you are and if you still feel like you can be of assistance in 7 days then you go right ahead and get on the plane.”
“Why you little,” and Jude growled and dropped the phone.
“Hung up on you, did he?”
“I’m not calling him Hayden, he’s forever more to be referred to as the Boy and I might just punch him when he gets here,” Jude snarled and then flopped back onto the couch and scrubbed his hands over his face.
Jonny rubbed his shoulder and smirked.
“What did he say there at the end that got you all in a snit?”
Jude hmmphed and crossed his arms over his chest. “He kept going on and on about how Ewan was his friend and that he really thought he should be here with him. Like we aren’t Ewan’s oldest mates, like we haven’t been through hell and back with him more times than the Boy has probably gotten laid.”
“Well you won’t tell him what’s going on, he’s probably getting nervous.”
“Ewan will have a fit and a half already when he gets the phone bill, lord knows that if I have to explain to the Boy what’s going on we’ll be on the phone for hours and Ewan’ll string me up by my toes and make me pay for the bill in blood,” Jude scowled. “For someone with as much money as him you’d think he’d be a little less of a miser with it.”
“Eve will probably end up with half of it when they get around to figuring out what they’re going to do.”
“You think one of them is going to actually file?” Jude sounded doubtful though there was a hidden, underlying current of hope that Obi-Wan thought that no one was meant to hear.
“I think you being here, coupled with the fact that Hayden will be here in a week’s time is going to be the straw that broke the camels back.”
“Well you and Angie are here with Maddox, Clara and Esther are here. What on earth could she think we would do with all these people in the house?”
“Eve’s got a fruitful imagination, and Ewan has made it no secret that while his girls are at the top of his list Eve herself rates below you and Hayden and Charley and me. With three of us in the house she probably thinks we’re going to leave the kids with the nannies and have orgies in the backyard.”
“Angie would stab me with a butter knife.”
“Actually she’d probably watch,” Jonny said decisively.
“Actually I would probably tape it, then sell it on eBay and make a fortune,” Angelina came into view then and Obi-Wan wondered how many entrances there were to the room they were in.
“I thought you were on the phone with Brad,” Jude grumbled and Jonny looked slightly irritated at that but didn’t say anything, Angelina just smiled enigmatically like she didn’t need to explain herself.
Obi-Wan wished she would just so he would know if ‘Brad’ was someone that he was supposed to know.
And while she was making explanations he wanted to know who Hayden and Charley were, he thought that he might have successfully determined that Eve was the so-far-as-unseen wife of Ewan’s.
“I was more interested in finding out if Jude managed to talk Hayden out of coming,” Angelina smirked and Obi-Wan thought it possible that she didn’t want Jude to succeed in that venture.
“No,” Jude rubbed a hand over his face. “He’s still coming.”
“It should be an interesting couple of days at the very least,” Jonny grinned and patted Jude on the back.
“It’s going to be hell, sheer and utter hell.”
“Nonsense,” Angelina scoffed, a wide smile on her face and Obi-Wan could see Jude shudder slightly. “It’s going to be a wonderful show. You and Hayden will fight over who gets to help Ewan walk to the bathroom and cook him his breakfast and tuck him in at night and when Ewan finally loses it he’ll kill both of you and bury you in the backyard. Then take up with Jonny and myself.”
Jonny and Jude stared at her with mixtures of disbelief and horror and just a bit of amusement on their faces.
“But you don’t even like Ewan.”
“He’s a pretty man, I most certainly wouldn’t kick him out of my bed. Unless he tried to take Jonny away from me and then I would have to kill him.”
Obi-Wan shook his head and wondered if he should just go back upstairs and forget the conversation had ever happened.
“Ewan, you’re up,” Jude smiled at him and he’d been staring at the wall for longer than he’d thought because Jude was standing next to him and Angie was sitting curled up next to Jonny on the couch and maybe he’d imagined the whole thing?
Toward the end there, before he and Ewan had switched places he’d been having trouble grounding himself in reality.
Meditation had helped some and he resolved to wake early in the morning to accomplish it before the household woke.
“Why didn’t you call for one of us?”
Obi-Wan stared at him and shook his head. “Because I’m a grown man and was able to navigate the stairs without assistance.”
It was possible that Jude might be even more over-protective than Anakin at his worst… he wouldn’t have thought it possible.
***************************************************************
Jude was going slowly insane as the days ticked down to the inevitable one where the Boy would arrive.
Already the Boy had called and left his travel arrangements, he was planning on leaving the set directly after he finished filming his last scene and had apparently decided that making an appearance at the wrap party was unnecessary as he was not going.
Jude would have told him that might not be the brightest move if he wanted to have a long lasting career, some of the best contacts that Jude had made had been at the wrap parties for movies that he’d done.
But that would be helping the Boy and right now the Boy was a rival so Jude kept his mouth shut and waited for the moment when his alone time with Ewan faded into minutes instead of hours.
“You’re pouting again,” Angie was all bright smiles and Jude wondered why she kept picking at him instead of spending all her waking moments with Maddox and Jonny.
“Won’t Jonny be wondering where you’ve capered off to?” Jude grumbled. The least he could do was keep her on a leash, or a choke chain. Especially since she seemed to take such delight in tormenting Jude.
She should have been tormenting Ewan as well but her barbs and snide remarks floated right off him because half the time he didn’t understand what she was talking about.
Jude would like that obliviousness himself, as long as it didn’t have to come part and parcel with amnesia and him forgetting his closest friends and family.
“You think he’s going to remember Hayden where he hasn’t remembered the rest of us, don’t you.”
Jude rested his elbows on the table and his face in his hands, he’d screwed things right up with Ewan years ago and still didn’t know how to put things right.
Trust Angie to come right to the point of things.
All these years they could have been together and happy and Jonny would have been with them instead of the insane woman. Granted there would have been no Esther or Clara but the three of them would have been together and sometimes Jude thought that was all he wanted.
For a way to go back to the way things might have worked out.
If he hadn’t freaked out and ran. Not far enough to lose his friends, but far enough and fast enough that he’d made sure without a shadow of a doubt that those friends sure as hell wouldn’t ever be anything else.
“Towards the end there, right before Ewan got sick,” he began. And he couldn’t believe he was telling Angie of all people this. “He was talking to Hayden more then he was talking to either Jonny or me or even Eve. Hayden probably was the first person he called when he and Eve decided to take their break.”
And there was no probably about it, Jude knew that Hayden had known before either Jonny or himself. Hayden had probably known that Ewan was thinking about it before he even told Eve.
“Hayden’s not here with him now,” Angie said softly, Jude tilted his head to look at her. “When Ewan looks for someone to help him understand things that he doesn’t he looks to you, not to me or Jonny. Just you. I don’t believe that Hayden coming here is going to change that.”
Jude narrowed his eyes at her.
“You’re being nice to me, why?”
“Because it’s not just you under stress here. Jonny is trying not to push, I’ve known Ewan for a lot of years, I may not have always gotten along with him but I’m trying not to push as well… The longer that he goes without regaining any memories, the less likely that those memories will ever resurface.”
“You’ve talked to doctors.”
“Several, and they all say the same thing remarkably enough.”
“You don’t think that he’s ever going to remember, do you.”
Angie shook her head and Jude allowed his head to fall into his hands again and tried to keep all his screaming on the inside. It was harder then he thought it would be.
“Ewan loves you, you know that don’t you? I think I’m pretty safe in saying that he loves only five people in this world. You and Jonny, Clara and Esther…”
“And Hayden.”
“But you above all others, Hayden is only on that list because you couldn’t pull your head out of your ass long enough to see what was right in front of you all along.”
***************************************************************
The zoo was one of those places that Obi-Wan didn’t think he would understand. He didn’t think he liked seeing the animals caged, he knew the animals liked it even less.
The children didn’t see that though, they loved every one of the animals, except for the snakes which all three had agreed were just plain scary.
Obi-Wan was exhausted by the end of the day, none of the battle campaigns he’d ever been in had prepared him for running to and fro with three small children, by the end of the day he’d just wanted to curl up in a ball and die, Jude dragging alongside him looked as if he wanted the same exact thing.
On the drive back to the house the kids talked over one another and Obi-Wan was glad that he’d only had Anakin at this age or he might not have made it through things sane.
Clara had announced plans to draw the penguins. If the drawings she already had littered over the front of the cooler was any indication they would be dressed in frilly pink frocks and heels.
Esther wanted an elephant, a baby would suffice as long as it was big enough for her to ride, Jude intercut that he thought a pony might be better and Esther’s face scrunched up as if she couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or if she wanted to cry.
Maddox was the only quiet one, though he agreed to draw with Clara as long as he didn’t have to use pink and made Esther promise him that he could ride her elephant or pony depending on which she ended up getting.
Angie and Jonny took one look at them when they returned and shooed them away, corralling the children in the living room with crayons and paper. Angie curled up on the floor next to Maddox, Jonny near his girls as they supervised the drawing on the paper on the floor and not the wood floor itself.
Obi-Wan walked up the stairs feeling as if there was no possible way that he could be any more exhausted, Jude followed close behind and it was a testament to how tired the other man must have been since he followed Obi-Wan into his room instead of disappearing into his own right across the hall.
“Jude?” he queried, all the while shrugging out of the coat that he’d been wearing and laying it across a chair. Sitting on the bed he toed his boots off and watched the other man have what appeared to be an internal argument with himself.
Before he squared his shoulders on whatever argument he’d either just won or lost with himself and marched across the room.
Stared down at Obi-Wan with lost eyes, then leaned down and kissed him fiercely.
Obi-Wan jerked slightly, before closing his eyes on a sigh.
There were sparks flashing behind his closed eyes, the same ones that he’d seen the first time that Anakin had kissed him.
And Jude was Ewan’s Anakin it seemed, because there was the possessiveness and the longing. And banked desire that threatened to be unbanked at any moment.
Jude backed away with a sigh, lips touching against his softly twice before he straightened. Dragging a hand through his hair and looking away.
Obi-Wan handled the movement in the same manner he would have if Anakin had done so.
He set his hands on slim hips, pressed his forehead against Jude’s stomach and then pulled him down on the bed with him.
Jude made a noise in the back of his throat and Obi-Wan rolled him to his back, latching him into place with one leg and an arm over his chest so as to prevent him from attempting to leave.
“So we were lovers then.”
Jude pursed his lips, sad eyes staring at him before he looked away.
“Once, not for a long while now.”
Obi-Wan frowned slightly, ran his thumb along Jude’s lips.
“I screwed up, got scared and ran away and by the time… well we had made commitments to others and you’re not the type to run around on someone that you love. But now…”
“It’s different because Eve and I have split?” Obi-Wan asked softly, voice barely a whisper and Jude looked at him with hope in his eyes.
“And I’m not scared, and I’m not running away. And I swear on everything sacred that I won’t screw it up this time.”
And Obi-Wan believed him.
***************************************************************
He was prepared for Hayden’s arrival mostly because once Clara and Esther found out he was coming they talked about him non-stop.
Short stories, punctuated with excitement that only a child could have about filming and sabers and ‘daddy he promised that he’d ride me on his shoulders’ said in breathless anticipation.
It hadn’t escaped his notice that this Hayden was the Boy that Jude so frequently referred to in anger and exasperation.
He thought he might have figured out before he saw the pictures in the scrapbook that Clara had handed him with a smile ‘I made it all by myself’ that Hayden was this world’s physical embodiment of his Anakin.
He was glad that he’d figured that all out so that when Hayden walked through the door with a bright, wide smile and presents for everyone he had managed to convince his body that any response to Hayden’s presence would totally be without his permission and for once it listened to him.
Jude was touching him, as was his wont now that they had moved their relationship into a physical capacity, Angelina and Jonny just shared patient smiles and he thought he’d heard a ‘bout damn time’ mutter coming from Jonny a time or three.
Angelina just radiated a glee that Obi-Wan had a hard time tuning out despite the fact that the Force was weak in this realm and he shouldn’t be able to feel it at all.
“Ewan,” Hayden was like that as well, hard to tune out and he bounced into the room like he had more energy then he knew what to do with, Obi-Wan felt the pain, sharp and bitter at his first sight of Jude’s hand gripping his before it was washed away with joy at seeing him alive and awake and seemingly happy.
Obi-Wan nodded at him, a small smile in place trying to figure out how to respond to this boy that looked so like Anakin but had none of his mannerisms or personality.
“So you made it with no problems,” Jude sounded mournful of that fact.
“Planes were even early,” Hayden smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. “You look good,” he directed at Obi-Wan.
“I’m feeling much better.”
“The news stations were all saying…” he shook his head. “Well they were saying crazy things, should have remembered that nothing keeps you down.”
***************************************************************
They sent Ewan to help Jonny with the barbecue, Angelina following behind them with the kids to keep them from setting the backyard on fire. Because Ewan plus Jonny plus a lighted match could only mean a call to the fire department in the foreseeable future.
“I’m here now; do you want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Hayden snarled as soon as they were out the door. All pretense of a happy, smiling boy fading in his anger.
Jude sighed. He’d really been hoping that he wouldn’t have to be the one making the explanations… but then he couldn’t figure out who would do it.
He wandered to the window, Ewan was swinging Esther up into his arms, they were laughing and happy. Clara and Maddox were sitting side by side at the picnic table, Angelina was standing at the barbecue with Jonny, arm looped around his waist.
“He stopped breathing once, his brain without oxygen. They’re mostly sure that it’s a side affect from that,” Jude turned saw the boy looking heart sick, scared. Gripping the back of a chair like it was the only thing keeping him from falling over. “They’re calling it a minor memory loss.”
“What?”
“He doesn’t remember anything, not me or Jonny or even Angelina bitch that she is. He didn’t remember Clara and Esther and Eve only tried to talk to him once before she gave up. He can function, remembers how to dress and feed himself. Has no memory of the people that made up his life.”
“This is a joke,” Hayden said quietly, his voice a soft whisper. “A belated Aprils Fool’s Day.”
Jude shook his head. “You see now, why I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”
***************************************************************
While Ewan was having adventures as Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan is attempting to navigate Ewan’s rather complicated life.
Tag to Previous Chapters
SERIES: Measures of Insanity
RATING: R – for language
PAIRING: Jude/Obi-Wan/Hayden (eventually), Jonny/Angelina, mentions of past Jude/Ewan/Jonny
Author: Melanie
DISCLAIMER: Heh, I own nothing. Jude, Jonny, Angie and all other real people own themselves. George Lucas owns everyone that that is property of Star Wars. I make no money off of them. Don’t sue.
Measures of Insanity – Part 6
Everyone insisted that he lie back down as soon as they were finished eating.
He thought he might have just narrowly missed Angelina laying hands on his person to check his temperature, he couldn’t be sure though because the moment that Angelina had moved towards him Jude had pulled him from his chair and ushered him from the room without a by-your-leave.
Jonny had been laughing as Obi-Wan was pulled from the room and he could have broken free but he was feeling a bit tired so thought that a nap sounded good.
When he woke again the room was dark and there was a warm weight at his side, a glance down showed Clara and Esther sleeping beside him covered with the quilt that had been hanging over the back of the chair in the corner the last time he’d looked.
He shifted out of the bed without dislodging them and stood at the side of the bed and stared down at them.
They looked like Ewan, like him and he wondered for a brief moment where their mother was, then he made a mental note to ask Ewan about that the next time they were on the dreamplane at the same time.
He moved quietly from the room, closing the door behind him so that the light at the end of the hallway didn’t wake the girls and made his way quietly down the stairs.
He could hear the rumble of someone talking though he couldn’t make out the words until he got to the entrance to the living room.
The room was darkened and Jude was pacing the floor, some little rectangular communicator pressed to his ear, looking irritated.
“You know I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he muttered, annoyance in every layer of his voice.
Silence and Obi-Wan leaned against the wall and watched him listen, nose crinkling, eyes narrowing he was obviously not pleased with whatever was being said on the other end of the communicator.
“And I told you that it was a long story and considering this is a long distance call on Ewan’s phone…”
Jonny was lounging on the couch, arm along the back, legs crossed and he was watching Jude with something akin to bemusement.
“You are an idiot. You walk off the set now you’re just inviting rumors and then where will your career be, hmm? In the toilet, that’s where. You just stay right where you are and if you still feel like you can be of assistance in 7 days then you go right ahead and get on the plane.”
“Why you little,” and Jude growled and dropped the phone.
“Hung up on you, did he?”
“I’m not calling him Hayden, he’s forever more to be referred to as the Boy and I might just punch him when he gets here,” Jude snarled and then flopped back onto the couch and scrubbed his hands over his face.
Jonny rubbed his shoulder and smirked.
“What did he say there at the end that got you all in a snit?”
Jude hmmphed and crossed his arms over his chest. “He kept going on and on about how Ewan was his friend and that he really thought he should be here with him. Like we aren’t Ewan’s oldest mates, like we haven’t been through hell and back with him more times than the Boy has probably gotten laid.”
“Well you won’t tell him what’s going on, he’s probably getting nervous.”
“Ewan will have a fit and a half already when he gets the phone bill, lord knows that if I have to explain to the Boy what’s going on we’ll be on the phone for hours and Ewan’ll string me up by my toes and make me pay for the bill in blood,” Jude scowled. “For someone with as much money as him you’d think he’d be a little less of a miser with it.”
“Eve will probably end up with half of it when they get around to figuring out what they’re going to do.”
“You think one of them is going to actually file?” Jude sounded doubtful though there was a hidden, underlying current of hope that Obi-Wan thought that no one was meant to hear.
“I think you being here, coupled with the fact that Hayden will be here in a week’s time is going to be the straw that broke the camels back.”
“Well you and Angie are here with Maddox, Clara and Esther are here. What on earth could she think we would do with all these people in the house?”
“Eve’s got a fruitful imagination, and Ewan has made it no secret that while his girls are at the top of his list Eve herself rates below you and Hayden and Charley and me. With three of us in the house she probably thinks we’re going to leave the kids with the nannies and have orgies in the backyard.”
“Angie would stab me with a butter knife.”
“Actually she’d probably watch,” Jonny said decisively.
“Actually I would probably tape it, then sell it on eBay and make a fortune,” Angelina came into view then and Obi-Wan wondered how many entrances there were to the room they were in.
“I thought you were on the phone with Brad,” Jude grumbled and Jonny looked slightly irritated at that but didn’t say anything, Angelina just smiled enigmatically like she didn’t need to explain herself.
Obi-Wan wished she would just so he would know if ‘Brad’ was someone that he was supposed to know.
And while she was making explanations he wanted to know who Hayden and Charley were, he thought that he might have successfully determined that Eve was the so-far-as-unseen wife of Ewan’s.
“I was more interested in finding out if Jude managed to talk Hayden out of coming,” Angelina smirked and Obi-Wan thought it possible that she didn’t want Jude to succeed in that venture.
“No,” Jude rubbed a hand over his face. “He’s still coming.”
“It should be an interesting couple of days at the very least,” Jonny grinned and patted Jude on the back.
“It’s going to be hell, sheer and utter hell.”
“Nonsense,” Angelina scoffed, a wide smile on her face and Obi-Wan could see Jude shudder slightly. “It’s going to be a wonderful show. You and Hayden will fight over who gets to help Ewan walk to the bathroom and cook him his breakfast and tuck him in at night and when Ewan finally loses it he’ll kill both of you and bury you in the backyard. Then take up with Jonny and myself.”
Jonny and Jude stared at her with mixtures of disbelief and horror and just a bit of amusement on their faces.
“But you don’t even like Ewan.”
“He’s a pretty man, I most certainly wouldn’t kick him out of my bed. Unless he tried to take Jonny away from me and then I would have to kill him.”
Obi-Wan shook his head and wondered if he should just go back upstairs and forget the conversation had ever happened.
“Ewan, you’re up,” Jude smiled at him and he’d been staring at the wall for longer than he’d thought because Jude was standing next to him and Angie was sitting curled up next to Jonny on the couch and maybe he’d imagined the whole thing?
Toward the end there, before he and Ewan had switched places he’d been having trouble grounding himself in reality.
Meditation had helped some and he resolved to wake early in the morning to accomplish it before the household woke.
“Why didn’t you call for one of us?”
Obi-Wan stared at him and shook his head. “Because I’m a grown man and was able to navigate the stairs without assistance.”
It was possible that Jude might be even more over-protective than Anakin at his worst… he wouldn’t have thought it possible.
Jude was going slowly insane as the days ticked down to the inevitable one where the Boy would arrive.
Already the Boy had called and left his travel arrangements, he was planning on leaving the set directly after he finished filming his last scene and had apparently decided that making an appearance at the wrap party was unnecessary as he was not going.
Jude would have told him that might not be the brightest move if he wanted to have a long lasting career, some of the best contacts that Jude had made had been at the wrap parties for movies that he’d done.
But that would be helping the Boy and right now the Boy was a rival so Jude kept his mouth shut and waited for the moment when his alone time with Ewan faded into minutes instead of hours.
“You’re pouting again,” Angie was all bright smiles and Jude wondered why she kept picking at him instead of spending all her waking moments with Maddox and Jonny.
“Won’t Jonny be wondering where you’ve capered off to?” Jude grumbled. The least he could do was keep her on a leash, or a choke chain. Especially since she seemed to take such delight in tormenting Jude.
She should have been tormenting Ewan as well but her barbs and snide remarks floated right off him because half the time he didn’t understand what she was talking about.
Jude would like that obliviousness himself, as long as it didn’t have to come part and parcel with amnesia and him forgetting his closest friends and family.
“You think he’s going to remember Hayden where he hasn’t remembered the rest of us, don’t you.”
Jude rested his elbows on the table and his face in his hands, he’d screwed things right up with Ewan years ago and still didn’t know how to put things right.
Trust Angie to come right to the point of things.
All these years they could have been together and happy and Jonny would have been with them instead of the insane woman. Granted there would have been no Esther or Clara but the three of them would have been together and sometimes Jude thought that was all he wanted.
For a way to go back to the way things might have worked out.
If he hadn’t freaked out and ran. Not far enough to lose his friends, but far enough and fast enough that he’d made sure without a shadow of a doubt that those friends sure as hell wouldn’t ever be anything else.
“Towards the end there, right before Ewan got sick,” he began. And he couldn’t believe he was telling Angie of all people this. “He was talking to Hayden more then he was talking to either Jonny or me or even Eve. Hayden probably was the first person he called when he and Eve decided to take their break.”
And there was no probably about it, Jude knew that Hayden had known before either Jonny or himself. Hayden had probably known that Ewan was thinking about it before he even told Eve.
“Hayden’s not here with him now,” Angie said softly, Jude tilted his head to look at her. “When Ewan looks for someone to help him understand things that he doesn’t he looks to you, not to me or Jonny. Just you. I don’t believe that Hayden coming here is going to change that.”
Jude narrowed his eyes at her.
“You’re being nice to me, why?”
“Because it’s not just you under stress here. Jonny is trying not to push, I’ve known Ewan for a lot of years, I may not have always gotten along with him but I’m trying not to push as well… The longer that he goes without regaining any memories, the less likely that those memories will ever resurface.”
“You’ve talked to doctors.”
“Several, and they all say the same thing remarkably enough.”
“You don’t think that he’s ever going to remember, do you.”
Angie shook her head and Jude allowed his head to fall into his hands again and tried to keep all his screaming on the inside. It was harder then he thought it would be.
“Ewan loves you, you know that don’t you? I think I’m pretty safe in saying that he loves only five people in this world. You and Jonny, Clara and Esther…”
“And Hayden.”
“But you above all others, Hayden is only on that list because you couldn’t pull your head out of your ass long enough to see what was right in front of you all along.”
The zoo was one of those places that Obi-Wan didn’t think he would understand. He didn’t think he liked seeing the animals caged, he knew the animals liked it even less.
The children didn’t see that though, they loved every one of the animals, except for the snakes which all three had agreed were just plain scary.
Obi-Wan was exhausted by the end of the day, none of the battle campaigns he’d ever been in had prepared him for running to and fro with three small children, by the end of the day he’d just wanted to curl up in a ball and die, Jude dragging alongside him looked as if he wanted the same exact thing.
On the drive back to the house the kids talked over one another and Obi-Wan was glad that he’d only had Anakin at this age or he might not have made it through things sane.
Clara had announced plans to draw the penguins. If the drawings she already had littered over the front of the cooler was any indication they would be dressed in frilly pink frocks and heels.
Esther wanted an elephant, a baby would suffice as long as it was big enough for her to ride, Jude intercut that he thought a pony might be better and Esther’s face scrunched up as if she couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or if she wanted to cry.
Maddox was the only quiet one, though he agreed to draw with Clara as long as he didn’t have to use pink and made Esther promise him that he could ride her elephant or pony depending on which she ended up getting.
Angie and Jonny took one look at them when they returned and shooed them away, corralling the children in the living room with crayons and paper. Angie curled up on the floor next to Maddox, Jonny near his girls as they supervised the drawing on the paper on the floor and not the wood floor itself.
Obi-Wan walked up the stairs feeling as if there was no possible way that he could be any more exhausted, Jude followed close behind and it was a testament to how tired the other man must have been since he followed Obi-Wan into his room instead of disappearing into his own right across the hall.
“Jude?” he queried, all the while shrugging out of the coat that he’d been wearing and laying it across a chair. Sitting on the bed he toed his boots off and watched the other man have what appeared to be an internal argument with himself.
Before he squared his shoulders on whatever argument he’d either just won or lost with himself and marched across the room.
Stared down at Obi-Wan with lost eyes, then leaned down and kissed him fiercely.
Obi-Wan jerked slightly, before closing his eyes on a sigh.
There were sparks flashing behind his closed eyes, the same ones that he’d seen the first time that Anakin had kissed him.
And Jude was Ewan’s Anakin it seemed, because there was the possessiveness and the longing. And banked desire that threatened to be unbanked at any moment.
Jude backed away with a sigh, lips touching against his softly twice before he straightened. Dragging a hand through his hair and looking away.
Obi-Wan handled the movement in the same manner he would have if Anakin had done so.
He set his hands on slim hips, pressed his forehead against Jude’s stomach and then pulled him down on the bed with him.
Jude made a noise in the back of his throat and Obi-Wan rolled him to his back, latching him into place with one leg and an arm over his chest so as to prevent him from attempting to leave.
“So we were lovers then.”
Jude pursed his lips, sad eyes staring at him before he looked away.
“Once, not for a long while now.”
Obi-Wan frowned slightly, ran his thumb along Jude’s lips.
“I screwed up, got scared and ran away and by the time… well we had made commitments to others and you’re not the type to run around on someone that you love. But now…”
“It’s different because Eve and I have split?” Obi-Wan asked softly, voice barely a whisper and Jude looked at him with hope in his eyes.
“And I’m not scared, and I’m not running away. And I swear on everything sacred that I won’t screw it up this time.”
And Obi-Wan believed him.
He was prepared for Hayden’s arrival mostly because once Clara and Esther found out he was coming they talked about him non-stop.
Short stories, punctuated with excitement that only a child could have about filming and sabers and ‘daddy he promised that he’d ride me on his shoulders’ said in breathless anticipation.
It hadn’t escaped his notice that this Hayden was the Boy that Jude so frequently referred to in anger and exasperation.
He thought he might have figured out before he saw the pictures in the scrapbook that Clara had handed him with a smile ‘I made it all by myself’ that Hayden was this world’s physical embodiment of his Anakin.
He was glad that he’d figured that all out so that when Hayden walked through the door with a bright, wide smile and presents for everyone he had managed to convince his body that any response to Hayden’s presence would totally be without his permission and for once it listened to him.
Jude was touching him, as was his wont now that they had moved their relationship into a physical capacity, Angelina and Jonny just shared patient smiles and he thought he’d heard a ‘bout damn time’ mutter coming from Jonny a time or three.
Angelina just radiated a glee that Obi-Wan had a hard time tuning out despite the fact that the Force was weak in this realm and he shouldn’t be able to feel it at all.
“Ewan,” Hayden was like that as well, hard to tune out and he bounced into the room like he had more energy then he knew what to do with, Obi-Wan felt the pain, sharp and bitter at his first sight of Jude’s hand gripping his before it was washed away with joy at seeing him alive and awake and seemingly happy.
Obi-Wan nodded at him, a small smile in place trying to figure out how to respond to this boy that looked so like Anakin but had none of his mannerisms or personality.
“So you made it with no problems,” Jude sounded mournful of that fact.
“Planes were even early,” Hayden smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes. “You look good,” he directed at Obi-Wan.
“I’m feeling much better.”
“The news stations were all saying…” he shook his head. “Well they were saying crazy things, should have remembered that nothing keeps you down.”
They sent Ewan to help Jonny with the barbecue, Angelina following behind them with the kids to keep them from setting the backyard on fire. Because Ewan plus Jonny plus a lighted match could only mean a call to the fire department in the foreseeable future.
“I’m here now; do you want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Hayden snarled as soon as they were out the door. All pretense of a happy, smiling boy fading in his anger.
Jude sighed. He’d really been hoping that he wouldn’t have to be the one making the explanations… but then he couldn’t figure out who would do it.
He wandered to the window, Ewan was swinging Esther up into his arms, they were laughing and happy. Clara and Maddox were sitting side by side at the picnic table, Angelina was standing at the barbecue with Jonny, arm looped around his waist.
“He stopped breathing once, his brain without oxygen. They’re mostly sure that it’s a side affect from that,” Jude turned saw the boy looking heart sick, scared. Gripping the back of a chair like it was the only thing keeping him from falling over. “They’re calling it a minor memory loss.”
“What?”
“He doesn’t remember anything, not me or Jonny or even Angelina bitch that she is. He didn’t remember Clara and Esther and Eve only tried to talk to him once before she gave up. He can function, remembers how to dress and feed himself. Has no memory of the people that made up his life.”
“This is a joke,” Hayden said quietly, his voice a soft whisper. “A belated Aprils Fool’s Day.”
Jude shook his head. “You see now, why I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”